I remembered thinking, you’re so stuck up & snobbish
And that you’re arrogant & too proud,
I remembered disliking you & your personality,
But then, we started talking.
I remembered thinking, you’re actually really funny,
And that you’re so easy going & kinda cute too,
Then i realize first impressions doesn’t matter,
And we started talking daily.
I remembered thinking, i enjoy our silly little games
And that i look forward to you because its so easy for us to talk,
And that your presence brings me mini bubbly happiness,
But suddenly… things move too fast for me to catch up and i was so confused.
I remembered thinking, how uneasy it felt to be around you
You’re coming on too strong and i got uncomfortable,
I remembered thinking, i suddenly intensely, dislike you
And then… we stopped talking completely.
I remembered thinking, your presence annoys me so much
And i thought that you were so self centered and insensitive,
I hate you, for destroying whatever we had.
Because i miss you. So much.
I remembered thinking, i was stupid & unkind & naive,
And that i was selfish & egocentric & self absorbed,
I remembered thinking, it was my fault & i am so so sorry,
And my regret is drowning me slowly, torturing me, never killing me.
I remembered thinking, i needed to hear your voice,
Listened to your laughter again & over, at least once more,
I remembered thinking, i had to have you, or i’ll die
But you made it clear, to not bother you ever.
I remembered thinking, i miss how you always say i have big eyes, and you like that
I remembered thinking, i miss how much you showed you cared
I remembered thinking, i miss how you look at me for a second too long.
And that small smile of yours…
And now i am guessing maybe we were too young, or i was too young. Maybe i was scared. Maybe my heart wasn’t ready for that amount of realness. But all i know for sure is that, the timing was wrong. And you know how they all say Timing is everything
And i still miss you. But it’s okay. I am okay.
9 June 2015